My Story as a Makeup Guru

"Makeup has a healing element that makes it more emotional than material."-Lori Taylor

I feel that many people view makeup artists and everyday makeup lovers as being stereotypical girly-girls. Let me be the one to say that is not true. I am not, and never have been, a girly-girl. Growing up, I was the guys girl. I loved trucks and dinosaurs and mud. I could care less about dolls. In fact, I put doll clothing on my stuffed animals and seated them in the high-chairs and cradles, while my dolls remained untouched. As I got a little older, I always swore that I would never, ever wear makeup or dress up. At the time, I had thought that if I were to do so, I would be considered one of those drama queens that teetered in their high, high, high heels.

As a preteen, I was pretty average. I wasn't very insecure, and I didn't care much about how I looked. Those were the good ole days! When I turned thirteen, I was diagnosed with an anxiety and depression disorder that caused me to pull out my hair called trichotillomania. I went from being a care-free young woman to suddenly feeling like my world was crashing down around me, and it was all because of how I looked.

For a whole year, I felt completely broken. I had lost myself. People at school identified me as the girl who was going bald. They were cruel to me. The thing about having an anxiety disorder is that people don't understand unless they have gone through or are going through similar issues. However, everything happens for a reason, and light stems from the dark. Although I didn't know it at the time, my shame led me to who I am today, as well as what I have a passion for; makeup. During that incredibly dark year, I had begun to wear makeup. At first, it was just to hide the fact that I had no eyelashes. Shortly after, it grew into something more.

I became obsessed with finding ways to look good. Researching makeup and watching YouTube videos became an after-school activity. My skills began to build over the course of a few months, and I found that people were looking at me differently. I loved the complements I got. It only made me more hungry for knowledge and skill.

The following year, I got a hair extension piece. I felt like I was unbreakable, untouchable --absolutely incredible! Despite this, my self-love was only superficial. I had to be wearing makeup to feel beautiful, because that's how society had taught me to be. I was always wearing a face full of makeup, no matter what time of day or what I was doing. Even on the days I knew I wasn't going to be leaving the house, I had to have makeup on. I hated seeing myself without it. I thought that makeup had completely taken over my life; however, I now know that my insecurities had taken over my own life. Even though I felt beautiful with makeup on, I still hated myself. I had blamed myself for every single thing that happened in the two previous years.

For the next two years, I gradually became more self-accepting. I began to let go and allow myself to go out without makeup on. At first, it was nerve-wracking and I was so self-conscious, but it got easier. Now, I could care less about wearing makeup to the grocery store!

I still love makeup just as much as I first did, but I've learned to love myself as well. I don't need makeup anymore, but it still remains a great passion of mine. A few weeks ago, I decided that I would get my GED, rather than finishing out my junior and senior year of high school, and move on with my life. High school was not a great experience for me, but I have so much ahead of me. It's time to put all of the judgmental, cruel, and immature teenagers behind me and move on with my life. The adult world is waiting for me, and makeup school is calling.

Sending love and confidence,
Katie x